Worst Night of My Life

So I spent the past few days talking to C and even lapsed on homework that I was suppose to do.  We had this thing planned for saturday and it was going to be special.  I thought I was falling in love again.  She talked me into coming over, our sex got interrupted several times and then she got a phone call that her ex was back in town.  I know it sounds all movie-esque and everything… but sadly this guy’s a wandering moron.  I had to do the walk of shame… I felt bad.  She had promised that if I came over and had sex I could stay the night.  Instead I had to get in the car and drive for several hours.  I wasted most of my evening, plus I have class that I normally get up for at 5am.  I have to lie a lot, my past isn’t something I’m always proud of.  I hated having to gather my clothes up and leave.  After I took over two hours to get home, I showered and then I sent an email to her.  I told her that it was okay and that we could work it out… that we could be a team.  This was the night after sex, that we were going to cuddle and I was going to hold her in my arms and say that I love her.  Instead I got back that this guy is the reason she broke up with her last boyfriend.  Basically from what I understand is that he’ll be gone in two weeks.  The other night she told me how lonely she was and basically described the symptoms of serious depression.  Yet she goes back to this guy and says that hes the love of her life.  I feel like that scene in Angel when Angel sleeps with Darla and he wakes up with an epiphany that he has to change his life and not go down this dark road.  For me it’s that I took two years to start dating again, and it’s over in less than a course of a week.  I feel like that I’m not really that good enough.  I’m a good guy and I’ll give second chances even when I shouldn’t; but this is the reason why good guys like me become the guys that just sleep around and don’t care about any woman's feelings.  I feel like crap and that I’m not good enough for someone that I opened my heart to and I thought she felt that way too.  I told my mom about her, and about how wonderful she is and how she can cook and do this and that.  Now I have to make up some lie as to why I won’t be seeing her anymore.  I even added her to my 5 faves in tmobile cause we talked so damn much it would have eaten up my phone bill.  I realize that I was right to focus on my career and not on a relationship.  People will use you and hurt you and honestly I’ve never really met anyone who hasn’t abused me in some way.  It’s the type of night that I just want to drink away, but I’ve got class in 4 hours and I can’t miss them and I have to sit there and just take it while my life crumbles to pieces again.  I put off papers that I needed to write because I was just so happy that I spent all my time talking to her.  With almost dying several times and feeling like your life was almost over isn’t as bad as I feel now.  I’m going to focus on what I want (my career) and school and getting in shape.  I’ve always wanted six pack abs and I’m not doing it so I can abuse women and throw them out, like just what happened to me.  I just want to do something for me.  I opened up to her and told her stuff I had never told anyone before… but I’m just “nice”.  I’m shocked and in pain and I have to go on with my day like nothing happened.  I lost all my friends cause I moved up here, and now I’m truly alone.  I have to make some serious changes in my life and start living it better.  I don’t think or if I do ever open up again, that it’s going to be a very long time or if ever I go and open myself up like that again.