Dexter Shocker

I was shocked by Dexter….  I’ll leave it at that if you haven’t seen the season finale.  I keep checking for an email from C.  Yeah, its a complete sign that I’m damaged.  Part of me wants her back, and part of me at least wants her to want me back.  I don’t expect it, but this has to be the ultimate sign that I’m damaged as a person.  I want someone who wanted someone else more, or worse just used me for sex.  A part of me this week just wanted to screw every woman I could find, but I have to resist.  I shouldn’t let C be the straw that breaks my metaphorical camels back.  The only good thing about this whole experience is that I now know that I have a problem and that it’s bad.  For so long I tried to ignore it and thought that after I established myself I could go on and be normal.  I do need my safe haven and it’s going to be awhile before I’m there.  Miami sounds nice.  I think once I cut off my beard and cut my hair, C wouldn’t recognize me if I stood right next to her.  Even in a huge city like this, every now and again you do run into people you know.  I still have the parking pass from that horrible night.  I put the thing into a ziploc bag… I’ll probably frame it.  It comes with bad memories, but I want to keep it so I’ll remember and think things through more thoroughly next time I meet someone.  Now I can’t sleep and I’m watching tv… I wonder how little I’ll sleep tonight?