I Wanna Get Married

I have those days where I forget about how hard dating is and what troubles it brings my life and how I just wanna be married sometimes.  I know it’s crazy I can’t even find a woman who isn’t borderline psychotic, but it’s fun to dream.  I finished watching Syfy’s Alice (modern updated alice in wonderland) and it was so good.  I actually cried at the end when the Hatter (not that mad, but a con artist) comes back to Alice… it was very sweet.  It’s the softer side of me that normally attracts the ladies, but I’ve learned that my judgment isn’t always the best.  In a nutshell, if I fancy a girl it’s best to run very fast.  I’ve learned that lists and desires don’t mean anything, plans are for people who haven’t realized the world is random.  I have to run to the doctor in like 10 minutes, but I’m feeling so high right.  I like indulge days like this, because they are rare; and when they happen they need to be embraced and worshiped.  I’m thinking of taking a semester off to get my bearings straight, so I can figure out what I want and plus to fix these nagging problems that I’ve lacked to fix so far.  I do it because I need to have a clear head and for once in my life I just want to think about what I want.  Plus avoiding C’s sister is another, and then there’s R… who after a month thinks I’m long gone, but will see me again Thursday.  You know I’ve never had a steady girlfriend, even with T; we were on and off again so much I could barely keep track.  I’ve always wanted to have a steady relationship.  Someone who’s not going to try and change me, and then I can just be on a equal playing field with.  I’m not looking for a woman to replace my mother, although C in her likeliness of my mother made me realize that I do have issues with my mother.  I want a friend first and a lover second.  I know it will happen, but why does if have to take so long?