I lie

Any post before that mentioned me having sex is a lie.  At first I wondered how honest I could be, and I was afraid to.  Keeping up appearances when you can’t have sex because someone wants you dead is hard.  You have to remember what you said to what person and why you said it verses the normal cover.  Even my past is lie.  I use to tell the truth, but C changed that.  I told a good friend the truth about me, cause I was always so quiet about what I actually do.  She didn’t believe me and in turn I lost a good friend, or maybe she just wasn’t the good friend that I thought she was.  Sometimes I even lie when I write, it’s a hard thing to turn off sometimes.  Recently I’ve decided just to be mute about my personal life, until it comes up in conversation.  Saying that I do freelance work is typically enough to get people to stop asking questions.  It works perfectly; because it explains my odd hours, and it sounds so boring most people do ask any further questions.  I started this blog as a kind of therapy for myself, since there’s no one I can trust and be honest with.  I figured that I could be honest on here without having to reveal my true identity, it works and I do feel better afterwards.  It doesn’t really fix the problems I have, but it helps to write them out.  I don’t really care if anyone reads it, or even what you think of me.  The secrets that I’ve learned to avoid talking to people when I’m out as to avoid sexual temptation are pretty easy and commonplace.  I wear dark sunglasses; if people can’t see your eyes, they can’t tell if you’re interested in them, most people see it as a sign of that I don’t want to talk.  Earbuds, even if you don’t put them into an actual cd or mp3 player they work, because people think you’re already preoccupied and most people won’t want to bother you.  Wearing dark colors also shows that you don’t want to talk, I read about it one time and forget exactly why it works… but it does.