Eye of the Storm

So I managed to go a few hours without texting R and it was hard.  Finally I tweeted something and she replied back, I think to open the lines of communication.  So I watching Vampire Diaries (my own little minimarathon) and this song came on by Barcelona, and I just couldn’t help myself.  So I texted her and she replied back that she was on the phone.  Even though I’m toying with the idea of getting over her and moving on; while trying to accept her friendship at the same time.  I just know I’m going to get this whole I’ve got a boyfriend now or I’ve got a date thing… I just know it’s going to make me crash hard when I hear it.  I guess the simultaneous silent treatment, was to keep me out of the loop so it’s easier for her to break the news to me.  I know it will happen, its just a matter of when.  I guess its just hard to accept that even though I had this feeling that R was special, she was just special in the “its the last straw” way; the type of even that changes me as a person.  This time I’m sure that a good 5 years will be good for me; it’s tough don’t get me wrong, but it’s what I need to do, so.  I’ve never had anyone tell me that they loved me before and I really hoped R might be the first person to actually say it and mean it.  Sigh….

 

Update: 12:56 (yeah not long)

So like 10 minutes ago she tweeted some guy, but no couldn’t txt me back, oh no!  Yeah I feel inspired to do something just for me tomorrow.  Let the healing process and getting over R to begin….