Another One Bites The Dust

I’ve said before that I was done with dating, but this time it is for good.  So I won’t go into the long story of R, but she was the first girl I actually loved (for a very short time) since T.  She knew how damaged I was and what horrible experiences I have had in the past, but she at least let me done gently by giving me the friend speech.  We went on two sort of dates and well I should have figured it was over when she didn’t want to schedule the next right way.  I mean she a lot of friends but, tonight I got it.  It hurts, not as bad as she could of made it; but still it very much does.  I said this morning that if this one didn’t end well that I would stop dating… and it’s official now.  I’m going to focus on myself and my career.  With moving to someplace thats nice and starting over.  What I did realize that I’ve got serious mother issues and that I always have had them, and that I need to work through them before I can move on.  I’ve always wanted sixpack abs and a nice body and I’m going to take the time to work on that.  I’m going to write and figure out what I want.  I’ve never really had what a person would call a normal relationship and at this point if I haven’t have even had that I doubt I ever really will.  The truth is, is that I’m a good guy, and good guys always finish last.  Which I think is the reason why I’ll never have what I see on the tv or movies as a normal relationship… I guess maybe I’m actually okay with that.  I know any woman reading this will probably think that I would love to have a guy treat me right; but you really don’t, if you did thats what you’d be dating and getting married to.  Being a jackass in relationships will get you everything you body desires; as for me the good guy, well I’m lucky if I don’t get stepped on.  I know I could try again and that dating is hard; but my life has way too many unknowns for me to be gambling away what little time and money I have.  Maybe a having a relationship just isn’t in the cards.