So Tired

I’m so tired that writing for the most part is unbareable and my head just hurts.  I just wish someone would love me.  I feel like the bad boy always gets the girl, cause let’s face it movies are fake… the good guy never gets the girl.  Part of me is really unhappy that the whole dream of me and R is over.  I hurt and feel crappy.  I really just want to pack a bag and leave town never to come back, but I know I can’t do that… yet.  From now on I’m doing things differently, I know what I need to do in order to be happy and I’m going to do whatever it takes so that I don’t have to feel like this again.  At least for a couple of weeks I felt normal, but it was just an illusion the things I’ve seen and done… I can never be normal.  Hiding my past from people while difficult is required for people to think I’m just like them.  I thought R would be the person I could be honest with and tell everything to, but I was wrong.  Looks are everything it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a good personality, its looks that get you laid.  I think I am the bad boy now, I can’t risk ever feeling like this again.