Condom Monologues

     So I told you I had to run out for condoms yesterday, right? Well I went through the register (some old guy) and the guy rang me through, I paid, then the funny conversation started. “Have a good night!”, said the old guy; “Sure as Hell hope so!”, I said. After that I think it just dawned on him that he wished I got laid last night (I did), but the shocking look on his face after what he said was just priceless. Although, it doesn’t matter how many times you buy condoms, you still feel a little ashamed (I do anyways); like you’re the only one who uses them (considering the birth rates in my area, that statement just might be true). I normally get a cart or a basket and go straight to the condoms, then I proceed to the candy aisle (I know funny ha-ha), then to the magazine aisle; overall the goal is to buy some other stuff to cover up the condoms so other people don’t notice. Going into a store and just buying condoms is a red flag that you were about to have sex, but ran out of condoms and had to run to the store. I imagine the people who go into hardware stores just to buy a plunger and/or pipe snake, must feel somewhat similar. Although one time I couldn’t find any magazines and just went to the register with condoms and candy (Hey I needed the candy to cover up the condoms), not thinking, and then I got the worst look from the cashier. Tell your condom horror stories in the comments below.